somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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