i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
