Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
