he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
