I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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