I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
