drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
