We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
