U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
