There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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