What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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