I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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