my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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