hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize