just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
barbara walters just said penis...
I wish i was in the wii world.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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