Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
