come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
