My hand turned me down
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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