apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
