Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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