I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
There's always time for handjobs
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
