just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I could fuck to npr.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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