I wish I only lived at night.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize