No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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