Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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