That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Dignity is for republicans.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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