When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
