Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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