We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
