He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
