god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
