mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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