that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
