come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
