You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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