Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
two words: eviction party
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
