we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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