i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
