listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
