the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
