I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
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I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
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I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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