To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Randomize