I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
