Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
