Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
