last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
