You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
