I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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