Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
