Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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