Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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