the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
