You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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