plz talk dirty to me
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
