I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
