It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
