blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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