Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Is her dick bigger than yours?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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