Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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