Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Randomize
