my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
