I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
