I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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