I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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