He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
