it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
