Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
