did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
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I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
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Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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