I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
