i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
