Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
