Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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