this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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