How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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