naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
