are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
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