what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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