I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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