I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
