Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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