we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
