We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
