??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
People in love make me want to vomit
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
