and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
