You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
