Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
