And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
